"You watch too many films" - It took a random stranger to make me realize the effect you've had on me.
Falling in love with you has moved me. Changed me. Made me a better person.
At the same time, however, not meaning anything more than a friend to you made me miserable. I could be laughing and bantering happily all the time, yet at the end of the day, I would be thinking about you.
At the first opportunity I saw, I ran to get away from you. I couldn't bear to be around you, to have you in my life yet not have you for myself. I changed my entire life - changed where I live, changed my friends - everything. Yet when I went to bed at night, a million miles away, just hearing the sound of the river at night reminded me of you.
But I realize now, if you run for long enough and try to get as far away as you can, eventually you do learn to move on with your life. And I guess that's what's happened. I moved on. It seems like it may finally be over. Oddly however, it doesn't make me feel happy or relieved to realize that I'm over it. That I am not in love with you anymore. It actually makes me feel sad.
Sad at the knowledge that I don't feel that way about you. That it will take a while for me to let my guard down and feel that way about someone again. Sad at realizing that I have lost out on someone as amazing as you.
You had the best of me, and I expected nothing in return.
But I guess it took a random conversation with a total stranger to realize that may be, just may be, I do deserve a little bit more.
Maybe I deserve someone who would entwine his fingers in mine as we walked, drop me back home no matter how much I insisted that he didn't have to, and kiss me as we said goodnight, right there in the middle of the road, at two am on a cold winter night.
Maybe it's time for me to have a little more faith in myself and stop settling for whatever I get.
I may never hear from this guy again. And he probably forgot all about our little adventure as he woke up the next morning. But I'm glad it happened - the perfect night. A bit like Jesse and Celine from Before Sunrise - yes, I've become a movies person. But I guess that's a little bit of you that will always be with me, long after I've moved on ...
Falling in love with you has moved me. Changed me. Made me a better person.
At the same time, however, not meaning anything more than a friend to you made me miserable. I could be laughing and bantering happily all the time, yet at the end of the day, I would be thinking about you.
At the first opportunity I saw, I ran to get away from you. I couldn't bear to be around you, to have you in my life yet not have you for myself. I changed my entire life - changed where I live, changed my friends - everything. Yet when I went to bed at night, a million miles away, just hearing the sound of the river at night reminded me of you.
But I realize now, if you run for long enough and try to get as far away as you can, eventually you do learn to move on with your life. And I guess that's what's happened. I moved on. It seems like it may finally be over. Oddly however, it doesn't make me feel happy or relieved to realize that I'm over it. That I am not in love with you anymore. It actually makes me feel sad.
Sad at the knowledge that I don't feel that way about you. That it will take a while for me to let my guard down and feel that way about someone again. Sad at realizing that I have lost out on someone as amazing as you.
You had the best of me, and I expected nothing in return.
But I guess it took a random conversation with a total stranger to realize that may be, just may be, I do deserve a little bit more.
Maybe I deserve someone who would entwine his fingers in mine as we walked, drop me back home no matter how much I insisted that he didn't have to, and kiss me as we said goodnight, right there in the middle of the road, at two am on a cold winter night.
Maybe it's time for me to have a little more faith in myself and stop settling for whatever I get.
I may never hear from this guy again. And he probably forgot all about our little adventure as he woke up the next morning. But I'm glad it happened - the perfect night. A bit like Jesse and Celine from Before Sunrise - yes, I've become a movies person. But I guess that's a little bit of you that will always be with me, long after I've moved on ...
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