Growing Up

Sucks.

Growing up sucks.

It means facing reality. It means realising what's the best decision you can make when life brings you to a crossroads. 

When it gives you a chance to be close to him, a chance to have what both of you had to give up on.

When a decision seems like a simple choice between being in a city close to him or taking a job that is a million miles away, growing up is realising that the simpler option is the wrong one. Realising that being close to him should not be your priority at the stage, realising that he should not, in any way, be a decision criteria for you.

Growing up means having a conversation with him about this, and telling him what you think is best for you. It's weighing your options and explaining the reasons to him, knowing full well that none of those will make you feel any better when you realise that this decision is why you're apart. That this decision is why you can't be with him, why you won't be meeting him anytime soon, and why both of you may probably eventually lose touch and move on with your lives.

Growing up is listening to him talk about how much he is going to miss the city he is working in right now when he returns to school for the spring semester. Its cheering him up saying he can always go back there next summer break, knowing full well that that would mean him not returning home when you are back there for the entire two months in the summer. 

Its reminding him that staying there is a better option than going home, even when all you want to do is shout and scream and tell him you want him back for what may well be your last summer together.

And when you're sitting in your room, accepting the full weight of reality, beginning to realise that you may never be together again, looking at old pictures of the two of you, and wondering if this is it to your story, if this is the sort of ending you ll get, these reasons will begin to seem worthless and trivial.

But that's the thing about growing up. You can't escape reality and fantasize about ending up together. You can't pack up and run to where he is. You have both thought about what is best for you at this stage in life and you have both made a decision. And you have to live with it.

Growing up is forcing yourself to toughen up, hold your head high and accept the consequences of the option you've settled on. It's having a conversation with him, missing old times, and realising the time you could spend together but have to give up. And through it all, having the courage to stick to your path, and putting on a brave face for both your sakes.

Growing up is facing the fact that sometimes when you make a choice, it's not just for you, it's for the people in your life that you love and care about. That deserve to be a a higher priority than a boy you fell in love with in high school. It's because of the circumstances you are in and cannot change. It's because there are things in your life that you need to do. 

And it's about realising that at some point, you have to follow your own path, instead of following after someone else.

Growing up is about making tough choices and yet somehow having the courage to keep the faith that if the two of you are meant to be together, you will eventually find your way back to each other. 

And if you don't, then that's just another bit of harsh reality you're going to have to deal with.

Yes, growing up sucks.