The Fallen Hero

She felt the wedding band on her finger

She stared at the hands of the grandfather clock

Alongside hung the battered old calendar

Marking the days as the war was fought

Beside her feet on the tattered rug

Lay the remains of that morning’s paper

Bearing that bittersweet piece of news

That all the fighting was finally over

Their daughter lay asleep in the room next door

She had only been three when her daddy left

And two years later, he was returning at last

Home for her birthday, his promise kept

A sharp knock suddenly broke her thoughts

Hands shaking she reached for the door

A cold gust hit her in the face

As she saw that dreaded reality come forth

They brought his casket in from the snow

Offering hugs and words to ease her sorrow

But they gave up and left soon enough

As she quietly wept for her fallen hero

A father, a husband gone forever

A family shattered, torn apart

A brother, a son turned to stone

Lay in that room with a bullet through his heart

No power, no money, no words of promise

Could return to life this soldier lost

No war was ever worth the price

No victory could justify the lives it cost

~M

Structured Procrastination

`. . . anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at that moment.” -       - Robert Benchley, in Chips off the Old Benchley, 1949

"I have been intending to write this essay for months. Why am I finally doing it? Because I finally found some uncommitted time? Wrong. I have papers to grade, textbook orders to fill out, an NSF proposal to referee, dissertation drafts to read. I am working on this essay as a way of not doing all of those things. This is the essence of what I call structured procrastination, an amazing strategy I have discovered that converts procrastinators into effective human beings, respected and admired for all that they can accomplish and the good use they make of time. All procrastinators put off things they have to do. Structured procrastination is the art of making this bad trait work for you. The key idea is that procrastinating does not mean doing absolutely nothing. Procrastinators seldom do absolutely nothing; they do marginally useful things, like gardening or sharpening pencils or making a diagram of how they will reorganize their files when they get around to it. Why does the procrastinator do these things? Because they are a way of not doing something more important. If all the procrastinator had left to do was to sharpen some pencils, no force on earth could get him do it. However, the procrastinator can be motivated to do difficult, timely and important tasks, as long as these tasks are a way of not doing something more important.

Structured procrastination means shaping the structure of the tasks one has to do in a way that exploits this fact. The list of tasks one has in mind will be ordered by importance. Tasks that seem most urgent and important are on top. But there are also worthwhile tasks to perform lower down on the list. Doing these tasks becomes a way of not doing the things higher up on the list. With this sort of appropriate task structure, the procrastinator becomes a useful citizen. Indeed, the procrastinator can even acquire, as I have, a reputation for getting a lot done.

The most perfect situation for structured procrastination that I ever had was when my wife and I served as Resident Fellows in Soto House, a Stanford dormitory. In the evening, faced with papers to grade, lectures to prepare, committee work to be done, I would leave our cottage next to the dorm and go over to the lounge and play ping-pong with the residents, or talk over things with them in their rooms, or just sit there and read the paper. I got a reputation for being a terrific Resident Fellow, and one of the rare profs on campus who spent time with undergraduates and got to know them. What a set up: play ping pong as a way of not doing more important things, and get a reputation as Mr. Chips.

Procrastinators often follow exactly the wrong tack. They try to minimize their commitments, assuming that if they have only a few things to do, they will quit procrastinating and get them done. But this goes contrary to the basic nature of the procrastinator and destroys his most important source of motivation. The few tasks on his list will be by definition the most important, and the only way to avoid doing them will be to do nothing. This is a way to become a couch potato, not an effective human being.

At this point you may be asking, "How about the important tasks at the top of the list, that one never does?" Admittedly, there is a potential problem here.

The trick is to pick the right sorts of projects for the top of the list. The ideal sorts of things have two characteristics, First, they seem to have clear deadlines (but really don't). Second, they seem awfully important (but really aren't). Luckily, life abounds with such tasks. In universities the vast majority of tasks fall into this category, and I'm sure the same is true for most other large institutions. Take for example the item right at the top of my list right now. This is finishing an essay for a volume in the philosophy of language. It was supposed to be done eleven months ago. I have accomplished an enormous number of important things as a way of not working on it. A couple of months ago, bothered by guilt, I wrote a letter to the editor saying how sorry I was to be so late and expressing my good intentions to get to work. Writing the letter was, of course, a way of not working on the article. It turned out that I really wasn't much further behind schedule than anyone else. And how important is this article anyway? Not so important that at some point something that seems more important won't come along. Then I'll get to work on it.

Another example is book order forms. I write this in June. In October, I will teach a class on Epistemology. The book order forms are already overdue at the book store. It is easy to take this as an important task with a pressing deadline (for you non-procrastinators, I will observe that deadlines really start to press a week or two after they pass.) I get almost daily reminders from the department secretary, students sometimes ask me what we will be reading, and the unfilled order form sits right in the middle of my desk, right under the wrapping from the sandwich I ate last Wednesday. This task is near the top of my list; it bothers me, and motivates me to do other useful but superficially less important things. But in fact, the book store is plenty busy with forms already filed by non-procrastinators. I can get mine in mid-Summer and things will be fine. I just need to order popular well-known books from efficient publishers. I will accept some other, apparently more important, task sometime between now and, say, August 1st. Then my psyche will feel comfortable about filling out the order forms as a way of not doing this new task.

The observant reader may feel at this point that structured procrastination requires a certain amount of self-deception, since one is in effect constantly perpetrating a pyramid scheme on oneself. Exactly. One needs to be able to recognize and commit oneself to tasks with inflated importance and unreal deadlines, while making oneself feel that they are important and urgent. This is not a problem, because virtually all procrastinators have excellent self-deceptive skills also. And what could be more noble than using one character flaw to offset the bad effects of another?"

http://www.structuredprocrastination.com/

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?’
Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.’

The five regrets

by PAULO COELHO on JUNE 23, 2011

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.
From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.

This came from every male patient that I nursed. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.


Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.


http://paulocoelhoblog.com/2011/06/23/regrets/

"I fill my days with memories of him. I remember how he used to look at me, as if I was his most valuable treasure. Has he found a new treasure? I can't help but wonder if we will be able to find our way back to each other. The road seems so very long, and my head is crowded with such dark thoughts. I feel our bond grows weaker by the day and I'm powerless to stop it." - Dawson's Creek

Two people who belong together torn apart by circumstances beyond their control.

This would have been it.
Even if everything had worked out for us, if I’d had the chance to go to his university on exchange, we’d been together for a few months, and things had worked out perfectly, this would be the week when it would all have ended. 
When I would be standing there in front of his apartment, trying to be strong, saying goodbye, not knowing if and when I’ll ever see him again. 
And then getting on a 30 hour flight back home, wondering if my life will ever be the same anymore. Wondering if I’ll ever find someone who makes me feel, even for a moment, how I felt when I was with him. Wondering if all those gullible romantics are right, if two people who seem to belong together really do find a way back to each other.
or do they just go through life, thinking about one another every now and then... 

I don’t know where life will take me after this. And I haven’t the slightest idea how I’ll get there. 
But I do know that for the first time in a long time, I’ve come to realise that no matter how much had gone in my favour, at some point in time, this is how it would’ve been. This is where the next chapter in my life would begin, one that he wouldn’t be a part of.. That sooner or later the two of us would’ve ended up on opposite sides of the world. Different dreams, different priorities, and ultimately different life choices. 
The only thing we had in common was that we were crazy about each other. Three years and countless friendships and acquaintances later, I am yet to meet someone as annoying and irritating as him! Someone who couldn’t go a day without talking to me. The way he looked at me. And the connection we had, having someone know how I felt without even beginning to put it in words. Someone whose voice I woke up to every morning. And whose phone calls were the last thing before I went to sleep every night.

Its amazing how clearly you can remember every conversation, every joke, even every argument.

And now, as you prepare to take the next step in your life, that’s really all that’s left of it. Memories. Moments you can literally play out in your head.
You go outside and stand in your hallway, staring out at the rain at 3 am in the morning, and you close your eyes, and you can remember the entire conversation you had standing there on your balcony that rainy night three years ago.

Right there you know that you’ll never really forget about him. First love, the kind that happens only once, and changes your life forever. The kind you can never let go of, no matter what happens. That song, that movie, that restaurant, that will always take you back in time..

And that’s all there will ever be to your story...

Tina Fey, Author of Bossypants - Quotes

“But I think the first real change in women’s body image came when JLo turned it butt-style. That was the first time that having a large-scale situation in the back was part of mainstream American beauty. Girls wanted butts now. Men were free to admit that they had always enjoyed them. And then, what felt like moments later, boom—Beyoncé brought the leg meat. A back porch and thick muscular legs were now widely admired. And from that day forward, women embraced their diversity and realized that all shapes and sizes are beautiful. Ah ha ha. No. I’m totally messing with you. All Beyonce and JLo have done is add to the laundry list of attributes women must have to qualify as beautiful. Now every girl is expected to have Caucasian blue eyes, full Spanish lips, a classic button nose, hairless Asian skin with a California tan, a Jamaican dance hall ass, long Swedish legs, small Japanese feet, the abs of a lesbian gym owner, the hips of a nine-year-old boy, the arms of Michelle Obama, and doll tits. The person closest to actually achieving this look is Kim Kardashian, who, as we know, was made by Russian scientists to sabotage our athletes.”



“You could put a blond wig on a hot-water heater and some dude would try to fuck it.”


“If you retain nothing else, always remember the most important rule of beauty, which is: who cares?” 


“Lesson learned? When people say, "You really, really must" do something, it means you don't really have to. No one ever says, "You really, really must deliver the baby during labor.” 


“I was a little excited but mostly blorft. "Blorft" is an adjective I just made up that means 'Completely overwhelmed but proceeding as if everything is fine and reacting to the stress with the torpor of a possum.' I have been blorft every day for the past seven years.” When it's true, it doesn't need to be said.” 


“I was ten. I had noticed something was weird earlier in the day, but I knew from commercials that one's menstrual period was a blue liquid that you poured like laundry detergent onto maxi pads to test their absorbency. This wasn't blue, so...I ignored it for a few hours.” 


“I only hope that one day I can frighten my daughter this much. Right now, she's not scared of my husband or me at all. I think it's a problem. I was a freshman home from college the first time my dad said, "You're going out at ten p.m.? I don't think so," and I just laughed and said, "It's fine." I feel like my daughter will be doing that to me by age six.

How can I give her what Don Fey gave me? The gift of anxiety. The fear of getting in trouble. The knowledge that while you are loved, you are not above the law. The Worldwide Parental Anxiety System is failing if this many of us have made sex tapes.” 


“Some people say “Never let them see you cry.” I say, if you’re so mad you could just cry, then cry. It terrifies everyone.” 


“I experienced car creepery at thirteen. I was walking home from middle school past a place called the World’s Largest Aquarium—which, legally, I don’t know how they could call it that, because it was obviously an average-sized aquarium. Maybe I should start referring to myself as the World’s Tallest Man and see how that goes? Anyway, I was walking home alone from school and I was wearing a dress. A dude drove by and yelled, “Nice tits.” Embarrassed and enraged, I screamed after him, “Suck my dick.” Sure, it didn’t make any sense, but at least I don’t hold in my anger.” 


“(My proudest moment as a child was the time I beat my uncle Pierre at Scrabble with the seven-letter word FARTING.)” 


“It will never be perfect, but perfect is overrated. Perfect is boring on live TV.” 


“I think someone should design exercise machines that reward people with sex at the end of their workouts, because people will perform superhuman feats for even the faint hope of that.” 


“Most photographers have some kind of verbal patter going on when they shoot: "Great. Turn to me. Big smile. Less shark eyes. Have fun with it. Not like that." Some photographers are compulsively effusive. "Beautiful. Amazing. Gorgeous! Ugh, so gorgeous!" they yell at shutter speed. If you are anything less than insane, you will realize this is not sincere. It's hard to take because it's more positive feedback than you've received in your entire life thrown at you in fifteen seconds. It would be like going jogging while someone rode next to you in a slow-moving car, yelling, "Yes! You are Carl Lewis! You're breaking a world record right now. Amazing! You are fast. You're going very fast, yes!” 


“When choosing sexual partners, remember: Talent is not sexually transmittable.” 


“There was a rich old guy named John Donnelly who must have donated a bunch of money. He had forgotten his member card one day, and when I tried to explain that it was a four-dollar fee to enter without a card, he went batshit. "Don't you know who I am, goddammit?" I had never seen him before. "Do you know who I am?" I wanted to say. "Then how could I know who you are? We don't know each other.” 


“I was taken to an examining room where a big butch nurse practitioner came in and asked me if I was pregnant. “No way!” Was I sexually active? “Nope!” Had I ever been molested? “Well,” I said, trying to make a joke, “Oprah says the only answers to that question are ‘Yes’ and ‘I don’t remember.’ ” I laughed. We were having fun. The nurse looked at me, concerned/annoyed.” 


“Girls get a lot of mixed messages—they are told, ‘Girl Power!’ and what does that mean? It means you wear a T-shirt that says, ‘Girl Power!’ but you call each other bitches. You make fun of a girl for being a virgin and you make fun of a girl for having sex. There’s no right place to be.” 


“In most cases being a good boss means hiring talented people and then getting out of their way.” 


“When did you first feel like a grown woman and not a girl?” We wrote down our answers and shared them, first in pairs, then in larger groups. The group of women was racially and economically diverse, but the answers had a very similar theme. Almost everyone first realized they were becoming a grown woman when some dude did something nasty to them. “I was walking home from ballet and a guy in a car yelled, ‘Lick me!’” “I was babysitting my younger cousins when a guy drove by and yelled, ‘Nice ass.’” There were pretty much zero examples like “I first knew I was a woman when my mother and father took me out to dinner to celebrate my success on the debate team.” It was mostly men yelling shit from cars. Are they a patrol sent out to let girls know they’ve crossed into puberty? If so, it’s working.” 

The Confession - John Grisham

One of those books that really gets you thinking about what’s right and what’s not.

The book is based on the story of Donte Drumm, a high school football star with a perfect family and promising career. Until the town was shaken with the violent rape and murder of high school cheerleader Nicole Yarber. A black man arrested for the rape and murder of a white girl, Donte’s case was a defeated one even before it began.

Based in Slone, Texas, the story describes how Drumm is convicted of a crime he didn’t commit and placed on death row. As he awaits execution, the real killer, Travis Boyette, looks on, waiting for the police and prosecution to correct their mistake. Nine years later, he is dying of an inoperable brain tumor and sets out to clear his slate, and save an innocent man’s life.

The novel describes the distress of the two families- Donte’s and Nicole's. It details the fight by Donte’s lawyer, Robbie Flak, and pastor Keith Schroeder whom Boyette approached when he decided to come clean and tell the truth.

Politics, bureaucracy and racial prejudices ensure Drumm does not get exonerated. He is led to the chamber, and executed. Quite a surprise for the readers who are by this point, completely convinced that Donte is innocent. 

Although Donte is exonerated post humously, the death penalty policy still managed to take another innocent man’s life.

Dont get me wrong, I was all for capital punishment up until now. I can come up with all sorts of arguments in its favour - message to the society, closure for the victims, costs associated with life imprisonment as opposed to death penalty, the list goes on.

Besides, the statistics on innocent executions weren’t as high as death penalty abolitioners make them sound.

And up until now, that was all they meant for me - statistics. Numbers.

There was no face to the names, no stories behind these numbers.

Reading this story of wrongful execution changed that.

Donte walked into the station to answer a few questions, and never got out again. His father died while he was still serving time. He couldn’t hug his mother for nine years. His last words before he got the needle were still a fight to maintain his innocence - a promising future ruined thanks to jail snitches, petty high school rivalry and the desire of those in power to pin the blame on someone. Anyone.

Sure its expensive and perhaps even dangerous to keep death row criminals on life imprisonment instead. But is it worth more than an innocent person’s life? And that of their loved ones?  Is it right to justify murder with another murder? Or is it just the easy way out? "The guy is dead - case closed."

Capital punishment is certainly not a question that can be answered in a day’s time. It’s been a hot topic of debates for years, and will probably continue to be. 

But I’m no longer certain which side I am on...