4 in the morning, and for some lame ass reason I'm still awake and I have absolutely no desire to do anything productive! All around me, people are busy following their dreams, working to get what they want, being ambitious. And me ? I'm still trying to figure it all out ...
When I joined university, it seemed like I had it all planned out. School results, university, scholarship, a course of my choice. Life was perfect.
Almost too perfect I suppose, cos about a month or so in this place and everything changed.
And now, at the end of another semester, I am no further from where I started two years ago. I left debating, the one thing I felt passionately about, and I justified it with a lame "I don't have the time, I have to study". My grades suck. I still like my course, with all its challenges and difficulties, but that hardly counts for anything any longer. I worked my ass off to land an internship in a tech company, yet ironically I don't even know if that's what I want to pursue later on.
Yes, theres more to life than all this. And of course, I am incredibly lucky for everything I have. And I thank God every minute for it all.
Yet, there are moments when I look back at who I used to be, and I realise how incredibly different things are. I was ambitious, and intelligent, and creative, and popular. There was nothing I couldn't achieve if I put my mind to it.
Two years on, and I guess I lost that girl somewhere along the way. I seem to have no faith in myself or my capabilities. I'm afraid to be happy, cos every time I'm happy, something bad always happens.
On another note, I haven't written a poem in over a year!
Welcome to my life - Broken. Imperfect. Chaotic.
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