Change

“ And here’s a big part of the journey:

recognising that just because something is, that doesn’t mean that it’s right.

Having the courage to change when you know you should,

even when that change is difficult ... ”

"I sometimes wonder, poets, singers, painters.. how do they do it?

They haven't lived my life. Yet they speak of things that only I know or feel. My darkest thoughts, my most cherished memories, my moments of depression, my dreams... They pass it off in the tersest of phrases

Is my life so ordinary, that the broadest brush strokes can describe it?

Or is it so extraordinary, that they can make a living out of it?"

Do you ever truly get over someone?

As I look around myself, I see people go from dating to steady long term relationships, to either marrying each other or breaking up. All in pursuit of that elusive thing known as love.

And I can’t help but wonder, as you fall in and out of love with people, do you ever really stop loving them?

Imagine walking down the street and bumping into an ex from five years ago. Sure you’re both leading different lives now, and they’re probably not the person they were back then. But isn’t there always a piece of your heart that never stops feeling the same way about who they used to be? A part of you that’s still twenty years old, still dreamy eyed about this new and exciting relationship, about this idea of the person they used to be.

Even if it’s someone you’ve had a fantastic date with, and, for some reason, never heard from again. Is it really that easy to simply switch off how you felt about them that one evening, and move on? Or is there a small part of you that can remember their crooked smile, or their brown eyes, or the way their lips touched yours as you leaned in for your first kiss, oblivious to the rest of the world around you?

Social norm dictates that when things are over, the only way to move on is to totally and completely get over someone. But realistically speaking, is that ever possible?

Do you ever truly get over someone who was such a significant part of your life, whether it was for four years in your twenties, or for four hours one evening?

I see people struggling in new relationships because a piece of them is still stuck with someone from their past, and we’ve all been raised to believe this is impermissible.

But wouldn’t it be a lot easier if we were able to accept that there isn’t really anything wrong with that? That the fact that you were capable of loving someone so fully and unselfishly, of letting them be a part of your very being, is, in fact, the only right way of being with someone? 

Because, at the end of the day, that person doesn’t exist anymore. That relationship is over. And nothing good can come out of forcing ourselves to stop feeling a certain way about them. Nothing good can come out of trying to replace an old lover with a new one.

If you find yourself trying to compare the person you’re with with your ex, or feel like you would still give them another shot if they want to get back together with you, you’re clearly not ready to start something new.

But if the only problem is that there’s a part of you that still respects and loves someone you used to be with, but doesn’t want to be with them anymore, it doesn’t necessarily have to take away from your present.

Who we are as a person is a product of our experiences. And great dates and ex lovers are a significant part of that.
And as long as we are capable of truly and completely giving ourselves to the next person we’re with, that’s all it should take to tell us that we’re ready for the next great adventure.

Still standing ..

"Maybe we're not supposed to be happy.

Maybe gratitude has nothing to do with joy.

Maybe being grateful means recognizing what you have for what it is. Appreciating small victories. Admiring the struggle it takes simply to be human.

Maybe we're thankful for the familiar things we know.

And maybe we're thankful for the things we'll never know.

At the end of the day, the fact that we have the courage to still be standing is reason enough to celebrate."