The five regrets

by PAULO COELHO on JUNE 23, 2011

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.
From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.

This came from every male patient that I nursed. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.


Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.


http://paulocoelhoblog.com/2011/06/23/regrets/

"I fill my days with memories of him. I remember how he used to look at me, as if I was his most valuable treasure. Has he found a new treasure? I can't help but wonder if we will be able to find our way back to each other. The road seems so very long, and my head is crowded with such dark thoughts. I feel our bond grows weaker by the day and I'm powerless to stop it." - Dawson's Creek

Two people who belong together torn apart by circumstances beyond their control.

This would have been it.
Even if everything had worked out for us, if I’d had the chance to go to his university on exchange, we’d been together for a few months, and things had worked out perfectly, this would be the week when it would all have ended. 
When I would be standing there in front of his apartment, trying to be strong, saying goodbye, not knowing if and when I’ll ever see him again. 
And then getting on a 30 hour flight back home, wondering if my life will ever be the same anymore. Wondering if I’ll ever find someone who makes me feel, even for a moment, how I felt when I was with him. Wondering if all those gullible romantics are right, if two people who seem to belong together really do find a way back to each other.
or do they just go through life, thinking about one another every now and then... 

I don’t know where life will take me after this. And I haven’t the slightest idea how I’ll get there. 
But I do know that for the first time in a long time, I’ve come to realise that no matter how much had gone in my favour, at some point in time, this is how it would’ve been. This is where the next chapter in my life would begin, one that he wouldn’t be a part of.. That sooner or later the two of us would’ve ended up on opposite sides of the world. Different dreams, different priorities, and ultimately different life choices. 
The only thing we had in common was that we were crazy about each other. Three years and countless friendships and acquaintances later, I am yet to meet someone as annoying and irritating as him! Someone who couldn’t go a day without talking to me. The way he looked at me. And the connection we had, having someone know how I felt without even beginning to put it in words. Someone whose voice I woke up to every morning. And whose phone calls were the last thing before I went to sleep every night.

Its amazing how clearly you can remember every conversation, every joke, even every argument.

And now, as you prepare to take the next step in your life, that’s really all that’s left of it. Memories. Moments you can literally play out in your head.
You go outside and stand in your hallway, staring out at the rain at 3 am in the morning, and you close your eyes, and you can remember the entire conversation you had standing there on your balcony that rainy night three years ago.

Right there you know that you’ll never really forget about him. First love, the kind that happens only once, and changes your life forever. The kind you can never let go of, no matter what happens. That song, that movie, that restaurant, that will always take you back in time..

And that’s all there will ever be to your story...